I should send these to Ed Ruscha or something

For all y'all with iPhones you know that for some odd reason those people at Apple couldn't find it in their hearts to allow us to receive images in a text message. You can do just about anything else with your phone, but not this. An oversight perhaps, but it has led to a wonderful thing. Verging on the genius of some spam email names like Hope E. Esparaza and Hilario P. Mooney, the log in passwords to view multimedia messages are sheer genius. Here, in order, are the ones I've received:

what3limb
bin9barb
hear65west
hoax50veal
dame5fees
used92sill
doom8drew
vain36wink
pang1sags
tout07iced
grip57slip
get1span
bun7errs
hold8bind
hag5prop
raps3wire
puns54just
slow12edit
vows62gee
obey44slid

Was the proof in the tight pants and footwear?

I mean, could you have guessed that after having the good idea to hold a beer bong contest where round one (one beer) was swiftly followed by round two (two beers) and then round three (three beers) after which contestant number one immediately puked all six beers and the contents of his stomach and maybe a little chunk of his small intestine that floated up in the effervescence from the cans of Modelo injected into his system through a funnel and a hose? I wasn't watching the spectacle (as you can see from my picture, there wasn't a whole lot of visibility anyway) until the last round when I watched the poor man who was about to experience the wrath of a body forced to drink nine cups of liquid in what boils down to just a few minutes in front of a large crowd of spectators. His eyes bulged like Large Marge, I kid you not. Actually, puking was probably the better option. If his eyeballs had popped out of his face and beer gushed out of his eye sockets, could I say that I would have been surprised? Hardly.

Yay Labor Day Weekend.

The land where nothing fazes

While reading the NY Times on-line over lunch, I was attracted to the headline "A Cab Burns: Midtown Takes It In Stride." Much to my dismay, I discovered in reading the article that taxis spontaneously bursting in to flame was anything but this one time occurrence! I already have been buckling my seat-belt religiously after hearing some horror stories about people going through the plastic partition in cabs during accidents.

The main problem is that when attempting to evaluate a cab driver's skills, like some abstract art, it is hard to differentiate between bad form and genius; they can frequently take the same shape. Driving the wrong way down a one way alley is either a brilliant maneuver to evade traffic or the guy doesn't know what 'Wrong Way - Do Not Enter' means.

Either way, I feel more nervous than ever.

technical jargon is hilarious

Today I learned that 'tightwad' is an actual academic term. The world is a hilarious place.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/16/weekinreview/16rampell.html?_r=1&hpw%E2%80%9CSpendthrifts

de/composition

I saw another of those subway poster reappropriation art pieces yesterday that made me laugh out loud and John was all 'I'm glad there are some things you like about New York.' Of course there are such things and they are kind of all around. They have nothing to do with things in general or in any one thing but about small things. Like the subway graffiti - mustaches on poster supermodels; different commentary on the same advertisement in different places; an abandonded bicycle locked on my route to the subway that I have watched slowly be destroyed over the past few weeks, like watching a time-lapse of a dead animal decomposing. I'm sure that in a few months all that will remain is a broken U lock. I guess that's the thing that is most surprising - that it isn't the New York of the movies and the lifestyles of the rich and famous that make me like it. It's the urban erosion and simultaneous growth that I find so fascinating and enjoyable. And I don't think I'm the only one for whom this is true. It's kind of been the very nature of this place, just as real as the glamor it also touts. We went to the Philadelphia Museum this weekend and they had a bunch of early to mid 20th C American paintings on view and quite a few were New York City scapes either in fact or in abstraction and I felt happy that not only are the details still pretty much the same, but that I am not alone in history in finding them remark-able.

half my culture rapes the other

Beethoven would be rolling in his grave if it wasn't so hilarious. Sorry all you non-J speakers out there. There is a version with subtitles but a) it's low rez and b) it's just not as funny. If you must know what they are saying, then you must, but in any case watch this first. My mom sent it to me. Her words were, "This is really funny and you will appreciate it."

She also recently sent me black Qtips so you can see the crap that comes out of your ear clearer. Was there ever a mother who knew her daughter better...?

Enjoy:

9/26/09 - sweet vengence dipped in butter

On the set of “Julie & Julia,” the lobsters posed a special challenge. Ms. Adams appears to plunge two live lobsters into a pot of steaming water. The steam is actually a cool mist, and just off camera representatives from the American Humane Association monitored the creatures’ health.
- from the movie review in the NYtimes

The lobsters' health professionals probably get paid better than any health official I have seen in recent years. This makes me slightly bitter and I will be happy to have my revenge on their species when I attend a wedding in Maine next month and eat some of their kin slathered in melted butter.